Our Adventures in the Sound Village
by XiraandKeadetroubleX2
Summary: Pedophiles! Rape! Deep voices from nowhere! Male pregnancy! Talking ducks! Giant penises! SpongeBob SquarePants! Is that Sephiroth from Final Fantasy 7! EVILLLL! Here are some of the things in this story. Have we caught your attention yet?
1. Welcome to the Sound Village!

Fanfic Title: Our Adventures in the Sound Village

Anime: Naruto

(OMG! There's no pairing! …Maybe…)

Author: XiraandKeadetroubleX2

It is time to turn small children away from the computer screen because what you are about to read may put them in therapy for the rest of their lives. Welcome to our world where Sasuke is our number 1 enemy and Orochimaru is the pedophile we all know he is. You have been warned…

Summary: Pedophiles?! Rape?! Deep voices from nowhere?! Male pregnancy?! Talking ducks?! Giant penises?! SpongeBob SquarePants?! Is that Sephiroth from Final Fantasy 7?! EVILLLL?! Here are some of the things in this story. Have we caught your attention yet?

Disclaimer: We don't own Naruto, but we can make fun of the characters as long as we don't claim to own them either.

WARNING! WARNING! WARNING! The story that you are about to start reading is written and/or thought of by two obsessive, overly imaginative yaoi fangirls who both detest Sasuke Uchiha with a burning passion and since this is so you can most definitely expect a lot of Sasuke bashing. We will pause for a moment so that the Sasuke lovers can click the back button.

……… For those of you that were brave enough to stay, we congratulate you on your obvious boredom.

This story also contains the following: somewhat implied rape scenes, Mpreg, bad language, pedophiles, flashbacks, ninja bubbles, random things that happen for no reason except for that we want them to, special guest appearances, yaoi sex in a later chapter, perverts, giant penises, random cut aways, a talking duck that is worshipped by all, accidental nakedness, on purpose nakedness, a deep voice, SpongeBob SquarePants, a giant robot, 'The Talk' Orochimaru style, bipolar suicidal emo people, and much, much more! …Too lazy to list everything…God! What more do you want from us?!

Chapter 1: Welcome to the Sound Village?!

The Sound Village.

Home of the Leaf Village's number one enemy, Orochimaru, who is one of the three legendary Sannin.

But there are many things that are not known about Orochimaru and the activities the Sound Village partake in. Like the tour that is being held there right now.

Groups of people gathered at the gate of the village, waiting anxiously for the arrival of their tour guide, who was late beyond belief.

"Hello people!" a deep voice boomed out from nowhere, causing the people to jump and scream out of fright.

"Oh my god what is that?!"

"Are we gonna die?!"

"No! I don't wanna die! There are so many boys I haven't molested yet!"

Everyone else in the crowd turned to look at the man who shouted that disgusting statement, only to find some weird person dressed in a Santa Claus outfit.

The man chuckled nervously.

"What? I don't know who said that atrocious statement because I certainly didn't," the man said nervously, staring back at the hordes of people.

They all turned back around to look at the gates, murmurs of mothers telling their children to stay away from the strange man were heard by those who were actually nosy and bored enough to listen to our people's conversations.

"Right then," the deep voice said, "I will be your tour guide through the village of South Dakota."

The group exchanged confused looks amongst themselves, wondering if they were in the right tour group.

"What?"

"Ummm. I thought this was the Sound Village," some female voice said.

"What are you talking about? This is the village of--"

The deafening ring of a cell phone interrupted his words and made most of the people in the group freak out again and cry out in pain as their ears began to bleed.

"Everyone please stay calm!" the voice shouted.

The people silenced themselves mostly because the loudness of his voice hurt their already bleeding ears and having him yell again just didn't seem like a good idea.

"What the hell is that?!"

"Do not panic! It's mine," the voice replied, finally answering his very loud ringing cell phone, "Yes hello? ……I'm doing the South Dakota tour. ………..What do you mean this isn't the South Dakota tour? ………The Sound Village? Why would anybody want a tour of that rattrap? ………A special order, huh? So…I'm in the Sound Village and not South Dakota? ……Well, tell that intern to get his facts straight next time. …….Alright, I'll do the Sound Village tour. Goodbye."

"Ha! I told you that this is the Sound Village!" the same female voice from before shouted.

"Oh well pardon me, ma'am! The big, deep voice makes one mistake and the world just laughs at it! This is like high school all over again…"

"Just shut up and do the dang tour," the same woman said, sweatdropping.

"Fine!" the voice shouted back before clearing his throat and starting over, "Hello and welcome to the Sound Village!"

"We know where we are!" the entire group shouted in unison.

If the deep voice had a face, it would probably glare right about now. But, alas, the fate of a deep voice is to just be a deep voice with no body to hold it in. The group entered the gates and gapped at the buildings around them.

The man in the Santa Claus costume suddenly gasped at an unfamiliar building.

"What the? I don't remember authorizing that building. It must be destroyed at once!" he shouted aloud.

The others passed by him, staring at him while he ranted crazily.

Paying no mind to the people, he started shouting as loud as he could.

"Kabuto! …….…Kabuto!! ………...Kabuto!!! ………….For God's sake, Kabuto!!! ……………Kabu-freaking-to!!!"

A poof of smoke came from nowhere and when it disappeared, a young man in purple clothing known as Kabuto was standing there.

"What is it, Oroc--"

The Santa Claus man covered up Kabuto's mouth and whispered, "Don't say my name. I don't want these people to know who I am."

"But we already know it's you, Orochimaru," another female voice said.

"Oh dammit! Someone has seen through my ruse!" Orochimaru squealed, stomping his feet on the ground.

"Who the hell is Orochimaru?" some random voice asked.

Its first reply was a couple a shocked gasps.

"How can you not know who Orochimaru is?" the second female voice said.

"I mean come on," the first female voice started, "It's Orochimaru for crying out loud! You know? The creepy pedophile guy with the creepy dust that is shaped like skulls!"

"Yeah! And he uses that creepy dust on the Sound Village people! Hasn't anyone noticed that everyone from the Sound Village is creepy?!" the second voice asked.

"Kabuto? Please make a note to remind me to change the creepy dust. Furthermore, you said no one would ever know about it," Orochimaru said, turning his eyes to his lackey.

"I'm sorry, Orochimaru-sama, but I don't know how they found out," Kabuto responded, shrugging his shoulders.

"Anyway, what ruse are you talking about? You have a sign on your back that says that you're Orochimaru," the first female voice said.

Orochimaru turned his head as far as he could to look at his back. And indeed there was a sign.

It said, "I am Orochimaru. BEWARE OF ME BECAUSE I AM A PEDOPHILE!"

Orochimaru squinted his snake-like eyes at Kabuto, who in turn started shaking his head vigorously and holding his hands up defensively.

"Anyway, can you please just ditch the costume? We all know who you are anyway," the second female voice said.

"Well, since you already know who I am, why don't you tell me who you are, mysterious female voices that seem to come from nowhere?" Orochimaru asked.

"Ugh! These introductions get very tedious, but I guess it can't be helped," the first voice said before stepping out of the crowd.

The girl was wearing dark blue clothing and had brown hair that reached down her back. But she also had dog-ears and a tail to match.

"Hello, you pedophilific bastard! My name is Keade."

Orochimaru and Kabuto just stared at the girl, unsure of what to say.

"Uhhh," Kabuto began, "Is 'pedophilific' even a word?"

Putting her finger to her chin in thought, she replied, "Hmmm. Probably not since I just made it up."

Another female emerged from the crowd. This one was wearing black clothing and had black hair that also reached down her back. But unlike Keade, she had fox-ears and a tail that matched their color.

"And I'm Xira. Now can you please take the Santa outfit off?"

"Okay then!" Orochimaru shouted with glee before disappearing in a puff of smoke.

"Wait a minute! What the hell are you doing?!" Keade screamed.

"Knowing him, it's probably something stupid," Xira said.

Just then, a stage with strobe lights and bags of confetti tied to the top appeared out of nowhere.

"And I was right," Xira said, looking at the stage with numerous sweatdrops.

Everyone else looked at the stage with various levels of interest. Kabuto appeared at the top of the stage with a small drum and a pair of sticks, using them to make a dramatic drum solo.

"Orochi-sama doesn't pay him enough," Keade said randomly.

"Who said that he got paid to do this shit?" Xira asked.

"Hmmm. Good point."

The solo reached a peak and at this moment, Orochimaru stepped out onto the stage, still in the Santa outfit mind you.

"Boo! Take it off!" Keade shouted out, waving her right arm around in the process of speaking.

"You sound like a perverted man at a strip club," Xira commented.

"Well, if you can't embrace your inner pervert then what can you do? Besides, the way Orochi-sama has that stage set up makes it look like a mini strip club. The confetti is just a bonus. But I do wonder how he managed to get strobe lights."

Xira just shrugged and said, "Don't know, don't care."

"All eyes turn your attention this way to see the one and only Orochimaru!" Kabuto cried out prior to finishing his drum solo.

And with that, Orochimaru tore off the outfit.

Small children screamed and cried for their mothers. Men gagged in disgust and tried to claw out their own eyes. Women were running about in a frantic outrage. A fire started in one of the buildings for no reason whatsoever.

And both Keade and Xira just stood still, their eyes twitching every now and then.

"Run free, little snake ninja!" Xira exclaimed suddenly.

Keade shot Xira a look, trying to hold in the laughter while she asked, "What the hell was that?"

"I just felt like saying it," Xira answered, shrugging.

"Orochimaru-sama!" Kabuto exclaimed with a blush.

"Oh what is it now, Kabuto?!"

"You're……you're naked, my lord."

Orochimaru looked down before replying, "Is that what all this fuss is about?"

"Wow…he really is a snake. He has two penises." Xira said in sheer amazement.

"How much you wanna bet that the other one is a dildo?" Keade asked in a joking matter.

"But it's attached to him! How could it be a dildo?!"

Thinking for a brief second, Keade replied, "Plastic surgery."

Xira stared at her friend for a few moments before saying, "Touché."

Keade just smiled back at Xira. On another note, Orochimaru was scrambling around trying to found where he had thrown his clothes.

"Oh just let me do it! No one else needs to see your nudeness," Keade said, snapping her fingers.

And just like that, Orochimaru was fully clothed in his usual choice of attire. That sudden event certainly made him stop in his tracks.

Jumping down from the stage, Kabuto asked in amazement, "How did you do that?"

"Umm well you see the thing is," Keade started.

"We pretty much have power over everything," Xira finished.

"Oh really," Orochimaru said evilly, "Can you prove it?"

"By?" Keade asked.

"How about making the people in the village scream and run around in fear? That kind of thing."

"Oh that's easy. All I have to do is call my army of ninja bubbles," Keade said conversationally before walking off.

"Her army of what?" Orochimaru asked, confused.

"You'll see," Xira replied.

Stopping at the village entrance, Keade took a whistle from her back pocket and blew it really hard. At first, there was nothing. Then, the earth started to shake and the ground cracked. The village people could see something in the horizon coming their way, but chose to pay no mind to it. And then, in a flurry of light rainbow colors, the bubbles descended down from the mountains and started attacking the people below.

Bubbles of all shapes and sizes assaulted the villagers one by one, some of them caught inside of a bubble.

"So what do you think, Orochi-sama? ……What's wrong, Orochi-sama?" Keade asked, looking at a frozen Orochimaru.

"Can you please call back the bubbles?" Orochimaru requested, not noticing that several really tiny bubbles where poking him.

"Why?" Xira asked.

"Because…because…because--"

"Just say it already!" Keade and Xira shouted.

"I'm scared of bubbles!" Orochimaru shrieked before hiding behind Kabuto.

"You've got to be kidding me," Keade said, sweatdropping.

"Oh just call back the bubbles," Xira said, also sweatdropping.

"Fine," Keade retorted, blowing the whistle, making the bubbles retreat.

Orochimaru came out from behind Kabuto, sighing in relief.

"I didn't realize you had bubble phobia, Orochimaru-sama," Kabuto said incredulously.

"Shut up, Kabuto. Anyway, I have made my decision."

"And what decision would that be?" Xira asked.

"I've decided to make you two my new minions," Orochimaru said happily.

Keade and Xira just glared at him.

Author's Notes: Well that was interesting to say the least. Anyway, please review if you liked our zaniness!


	2. Flashback Corner!

Yeah a flashback is coming your way. Don't say we didn't warn you, which we didn't, and we know that.

Disclaimer: We don't own Naruto!

Chapter 2: Flashback Corner!

*Curtains open to reveal chibi forms of Keade and Xira*

Keade: Hey ya'll and welcome to Flashback Corner!!

Xira: *Shoots Keade with a water gun* Stop getting overly excited.

Keade: Oh my god it burns! *Falls to the floor in a twitching pulp*

Xira: Right…

Keade: *Regroups* No one worry…I am okay.

Xira: No you're not, you ba--

Keade: Shut up!

Xira: *Smiles* Never.

Keade: Anyway, this is Flashback Corner and, if you haven't already guessed by the name, this is where we play random flashbacks of random things. And on a big screen TV, too! *Points to a conveniently placed big screen TV*

Xira: Yup yup. Today's flashback is of Orochi-sama and Kabu-chan at the beginning of that fight during the part of the Naruto series where Naru-chan and Jiraiya are trying to convince Tsunade to become Hokage.

Keade: If you don't remember it then oh well. Can't help ya there.

Xira: *Nods*

Keade: Anyway, on to the flashback! *Takes out remote and presses play*

*"Episode 1: Orochimaru's Handicap" appears on screen. The following images are in black and white*

Orochimaru: *Is standing on top of a huge snake with Kabuto. Kabuto's hands are covering his eyes* Ok Kabuto when I say 'now', take your hands off my eyes. Got it?

Kabuto: Got it.

*Naruto and everybody else arrives*

Naruto: Orochimaru!

Orochimaru: Now, Kabuto!

*Kabuto does nothing at first. He then takes his hands off Orochimaru's eyes about half a minute after Orochimaru said 'now'*

Orochimaru: PEEKA-BOO!

*Everyone else sweatdrops*

Orochimaru: Dammit Kabuto!

Kabuto: What?!

Orochimaru: You didn't take your hands off when I told you to!

Kabuto: I just delayed a little! Do you really need to shout at me for that?!

Orochimaru: Oh just forget it! I'm outta here! *Walks off*

Kabuto: Uh-huh.

*All is quiet for a few minutes*

Orochimaru: Kabuto!! *Runs back*

Kabuto: *Groans* What is it?

Orochimaru: Fold my arms so I can leave!

Kabuto: *Raises an eyebrow* What?

Orochimaru: I told you to fold my arms.

Kabuto: Why?

Orochimaru: Because I want to pout. And I can't pout with my arms uncrossed. And I can't cross my arms because I can't move them. Now fold my arms dammit!

Kabuto: Fine! *Grabs Orochimaru's arms roughly*

Orochimaru: Oww! Be easy! Just because I can't really move them doesn't mean I can't feel!

Kabuto: Whatever.

*Kabuto tries to cross Orochimaru's arms numerous times*

Orochimaru: *After about 5 minutes* Ugh! You can't do it so let's just get back to what we were doing.

Kabuto: Fine!

Everyone else: *Sweatdrop*

*"End of Episode 1" appears on screen*

Keade and Xira: *Sweatdrop* Well…

*5 minute silence*

Keade: Yeah I don't know what to say. Do you?

Xira: Nope.

Keade: Okay then. If you have gotten this far, you have survived the first episode of Flashback Corner! *Throws confetti at the survivors*

Xira: *Shoots water gun again*

Keade: Ahhhh! I'm melting!

Xira: Hehe. I love messing with you.

Keade: Oh shut up! Anyways, we will see you guys later in the next episode of Flashback Corner.

Xira: And in the next chapter. We're in that also. Remember?

Keade: Yeah yeah I know.

Keade and Xira: *Wave goodbye*

*Curtain closes*


End file.
